Exclusive Excerpt from Finding My Way Home

by Kendel Duncan

Sebastian’s eyes opened.  For a few seconds he watched the dust dancing on the sunlight streaming through the edges of the window blinds.  This had always been his favorite time of the day, mornings when the sun was just rising and the rest of the world was quietly waking up.

And it was the only time that he could pretend that he wasn’t going to feel disappointment or sadness.  A yearning or craving to have someone, to have Ten in his bed next to him, holding him, keeping him safe, warm…..loved.

He took a deep breath both to brace himself for that disappointment and to judge the level of pain he felt in his ribcage.  He was pleased to find that his inhale only caused a slight discomfort, nothing like what he’d been feeling the past few days.  And when he turned his head, his heart soared when he saw the man lying next to him.  He was just about to reach out to slide his fingers through Ten’s silky hair when he heard the sniffle, followed closely by another.

He spoke at the same time that he lightly touched Ten’s shoulder, “Talk to me?”

Ten jerked slightly as he tensed up and for a few agonizing seconds, Bas thought they were right back where they started – with a closed off, cold Tenley pushing him away and shutting him out.

But then Ten did finally speak and what he said had Bas fighting his own tears.

“He said goodbye to me,” Ten whispered.

Bas gently rolled to his side and pressed the front of his body against Ten’s back, holding him as tightly as his tender rib cage would allow.  “In a dream?”

Ten wiped his eyes as he nodded, “Last night.  He said that he could move on now because he knew I was happy again.  He said it was time for me to let him go,” he whimpered as he rolled to his back to look at Bas, “I, I, I…..fuck,” he mumbled as fresh tears filled his eyes.

“What, babe?  Tell me,” Bas whispered as he cupped Ten’s cheek.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to let him go, Bas.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

“So?  Don’t.”

“But….”

“Babe,” Bas said as he placed his hand on Ten’s chest, “This heart of yours that you’ve kept locked down since Sawyer died?  It’s resilient and I’m confident that it’s big enough to hold both him and me safe within its borders.”

Ten gripped Bas’ hand tight, “Do you want to know what scares me the most?”

“What?”

“That I’ll push you away again.  I’ve done it once.”

“Ah. Yeah, I suppose that is a possibility. Do you want to know what would be different about it this time?”

“What?”

“I won’t stay away this time.  I’ll find you.  I’ll hunt you down if I have to.  And once I find you, I’ll hold you tight until you’re reminded of why we belong together.”

“I’m going to try, Bas.  I’m really going to try.  But I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up.”

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